Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
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I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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