My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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