Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
