Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
