i don't like sucking hair
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
