the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Randomize
