Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
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So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
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You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize