Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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