she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
