so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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