She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
even my farts smell like vagina
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
