cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
