I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
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I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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