Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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