So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I have feelings that need drinking.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
