Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
