Say something about gay babies.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
