He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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