Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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