I can tuck mytits in my pants
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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