I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
