We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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