Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
