It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
