I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He uses pillows to masturbate.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
