I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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