well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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