My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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