He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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