I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
