just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
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Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
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so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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