I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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