I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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