yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
