So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
