Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I will pee on everything he values.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
