do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
