and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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