Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
