I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
