If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
