I'm really into asian looking animals
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Randomize
