He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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