9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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