Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
