One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
