He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
