Someone shit on the floor
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
