I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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