Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
