she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
