Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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