he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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