I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
