oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
