we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
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