girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
