the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
