The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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