His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
