if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I checked into jail on foursquare
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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