I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
