I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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