it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
