I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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