dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
