Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
