Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
