he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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