No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Randomize
