I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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