You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
