i permit you to call me
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
