yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
