U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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